I’ve finally found a guy, who wants me..for me, for my stupid antics and quirks, my sarcastic remarks, the imperfections on my body, the fact that my self confidence sucks, and that I’m human. He’s perfect. I couldn’t be happier. I’m completely ecstatic..
How do you know if you should really give up or give it one more try? What’s the definition of strong, letting it all go or sticking with it? How do you know its time to give up? How do you make a decision that can affect the rest of your life? How do you choose between 2 things that are so important to you?
How does entertaining the thought of being wanted make you feel? Like entertaining the thought that the person that you wanted, wanted you back?
It sounds exhausting to me because honestly it never happens or plays out the way that I’d like it to. Eithe I’m playing make belive in a fantasy land where nothing around me is real, or everything in reality seems to make me sad or feel terrible for thinking such thoughts. No matter how hard we try to set boundaries for our selves. It’s like the more we think, the more shit we fall into.. the harder we fall, the harder it is to get up. I feel broken and bruised right now, Like everything I say or do comes out wrong, and that I’m hiding so much to those so close to me. I have no one. I have me, myself and I. Maybe my past is coming to haunt me, maybe my friend depression feels like she should come back and make a visit. I havent listented to such terrible classical music since my dog tarzan died when I was in the seventh grade. I havent felt like self mutilating since around then too. It just seems like back then that was the only thing I had control over, kind of like now, I have no control over anything. I have no help over myself, and nothing seems to matter anymore. I am lifeless, and I was aroused at the thought of being happy. But entertaining the thought only goes so far as the show must once end..